When I was in the 7th grade, I was cut from the middle school track team. Take a second to let that sink in. Why on EARTH was a middle school turning kids away from the possibility of getting involved in athletics? Especially for a track team. (I also did not make in on the basketball team, which still seems silly in hindsight, but at least sort of makes sense player-wise.)
At the time, it was a pretty low blow. But I got over it pretty quickly when I realized that getting cut meant I could hang out with my friends after school, playing Rock Band and walking to Kroger to buy Ben and Jerry’s (phish food, in case you were wondering). My mom, however, is still not over it and likes to tell me how I could have been a track star if I had the chance… I’m not so sure about that one, but I appreciate her confidence in me.
While my morale quickly recovered, I remained wary of school sports throughout middle and high school. To be fair, my high school track team did accept anyone, which is something I really admired about that program (clearly, not enough to actually join, but still). By that time, though, the athlete ship had sailed, and I was set on spending my time after school involved in the drama program. Be honest, could you tell I was a high school theater kid? (just kidding, no need to answer that… please). Anyways, all to say that running has never been my strong suit.
In college and post college, I had a few brief trysts with running. I’d get really excited about the idea of running, do it for about a week or two, then just as quickly as I started, I would stop. My longest stint was during the summer of 2020, which I’m sure is the same time many others start picking up new hobbies. But even then, I was running because I felt like everyone around me had started to do it, not out of a personal desire.
So, when I decided to sign up for a 5k last month, four weeks before the event date, I knew I would need to set goals and stick with them. I’m the first to admit, I have issues with accountability for personal goals, especially if they relate to hobbies, as opposed to career. This is something I’m actively trying to change in terms of my thought process — I struggle to give hobbies (and aspirational hobbies) the proper dedication and follow through, because they rarely have structures by which I can measure my progress. If anyone has ideas on how to take steps to change that mindset - I am all ears!! Logically, I know that progress does not have to be “measured” or “graded,” but it hasn’t quite clicked internally for me yet.
By having the 5k to work towards, I built in a way to hold myself accountable. Both in that it gave me a set timeline, and during the actual race, I had other runners to help pace and support me. It helped that I had a friend cheering me along all throughout my training. My dear friend Deb is training for a marathon (!!! she is amazing) and seemed to know exactly what to say to help me stay motivated and enthused! I am forever grateful for her daily texts and “Kudos.”
When I first started “rehearsing” (my term for training leading up to the 5k), I was immediately struck by how quiet my mind was when I ran. Call it a byproduct of anxiety, an overactive mind, etc., but I am used to waking up and immediately being serenaded by a cacophony of thoughts and noise in my head. So, imagine my surprise when on my first run, the symphony subsided. Between breathing correctly (my whole life, I have been very prone to side splits), not tripping (I run without my glasses, so curbs sometimes sneak up on me), and bopping to some high energy tunes (thank you Charli XCX), my internal dialogues didn’t stand a chance. Even when I did start to feel a twinge of worry or anxiety, it was just about being able to reach my goal of hitting the next mile. When I run, I shed the immense weight of my fears, stressors, and heartaches. Only for a bit, but that is enough for me.
While I had been jokingly calling my runs “rehearsal,” I was surprised at how nervous I was on the day of the race. I truly had a feeling of stage fright settle in me the whole day. Once I started running, it subsided, but I had the worst side splits of any of my runs, and they started before I finished even the first mile. Side splits couldn’t stop me though, and I finished my 5K, with my dear friends Sophia, Emma, and Kyle cheering me on at the finish line. Sophia even made me some signs!
Ideally, I’d like to work up to longer runs. I don’t think my knees, blisters, or ankles are quite ready for that commitment yet, but I’m working towards it! And, truthfully, I’m really excited about the possibility of lengthening my runs. For now, I’ll appreciate my shorter runs.
Now, I know I’ve gone on and on about running, but please do not think my goal is to write about how everyone needs to start running and it will change everyone’s life. Because I know that’s not true. In fact, I can already tell running for me is a vastly different energy release than it is for some of my friends. I’m more going for the age-old moral of you probably won’t start to really enjoy something until you do it for yourself. So, get out there and do something just for you! And in the meantime, feel free to add me on Strava (I actually don’t know my username… sorry), follow me on instagram, and subscribe to the substack if you haven’t yet :)
why is "walking to kroger" such a universal middle school experience !!