Light and laughter filtered in through my half opened bedroom door as I tucked myself under my newly acquired heated blanket (thank you MC & Leah!). It was 9:00pm on a Friday night. On the other side of my door sat six of my wonderfully lovely friends, giggling and joking and yelling over a very intense game of Dutch Blitz (cannot recommend this game enough). I was meant to be out there with them, celebrating the new table Emma & I bought as we tried to finally make our front room cute and functional. However, two glasses of white wine and a very unsuccessful power nap sent me into a sleepiness not even homemade brownies could tempt me from. So, instead of fighting my body, I decided to just listen to her, and it resulted in one of my favorite nights of the year so far. Cozied up in my bed, full from a delicious soup made by Emma for our friends, I rested to the sounds of people I love having fun and enjoying each other’s company. Every once and a while, I’d yell something from bed to add to the conversation, but mostly I just listened.
My decision to crawl into bed before 10pm on a Friday is in part due to my decision to implement what blogger Karlee Flores named “Gentle January.” Gentle January is a pushback against the idea that January should be a time for steadfast resolutions and militant self-discipline. Instead of trying to hold yourself to new standards with the start of a new year, give yourself time to recover from the last one. If my past year was a mountain that I spent months climbing, why, now that I’ve reached the top, would I sprint off to the next climb? Shouldn’t I stay and enjoy the view for a bit?
Clearly, based on the fact that I am sending this post at the end of February, I have been quite liberal with the application of gentle “January,” expanding the concept to last much longer than one month. However, the constant reminder to be gentle with myself and with those around me has helped to ground me in a way that I intend to carry with me throughout the year.
Recently, my day to day life has felt increasingly Sisyphean (I’m so glad to be writing that word instead of trying to pronounce it). It seems that with each task completed, another immediately appears on the horizon, with no real end in sight. I spend hours and hours pushing a rock up a hill in an effort to create time for myself, just to be immediately crushed by the suffocating weight of having free time and the guilt that accompanies not using it efficiently (perhaps that concept is a focus for another day…). There will always be more friends to see, clothes to clean, community work to do, songs to sing, drawers to organize, books to read, and substacks to write. However, being gentle allows me to take a break at the top of the hill. Nothing will stop the rock from sliding back down the hill and, on some days, crushing me (metaphorically of course). But, taking time to be content with what I have accomplished has allowed me to feel grateful for the ways in which I take care of myself.
I’m going to be extra gentle with myself in this moment by deciding that what I’ve written so far is enough for now… How are you staying gentle with yourself these days?
As Always, With Love,
From Cece
P.S. GO BIRDS!
Beautifully written and a great reminder to all of us! It is a wonderful way to frame moments when you must stay in bed from being a trial to being a time you can enjoy the sounds around you. Thank you for this, I needed it tonight!